Confession

I've put it off until Wednesday night after mass. I don't know something just doesn't sit right with me about any of this. First, I wonder why I have to have two confessions before Easter. Does the deacon have the gift of prophesy? Does he see me doing some horrible things that I will need to confess? Second, there's the business of telling some stranger my inner thoughts or secrets. If I've had the discussion with my Higher Power and asked forgiveness, why do I need to go through a priest?

I will go through with this. It is a sacrament after all. My guess is that when the time comes, I will talk about some of the lustful thoughts, some of the homicidal thoughts and a few cases of half-truths or out and out lies. It just seems to me that it would only be a sin if I actually hurt someone. The only person who gets hurt with my stuff is me. It seems like double jeopardy for me to have to do any penance for hurting myself.

I've been working on different things today as we had the day off. I've gotten purchases with PO # done at Wal-Mart, I've done my taxes (now there's where a major confession will come in), I've figured out what to do for tomorrow's Focus on CAL, I've got my ducks in a row for the staffing between myself and the assistants, and I've been working on my daily records for the classroom. I've been pretty busy today.

I've done some thinking on that future book. Muse, A Muse, Amuse, Muse. The first muse means to wonder; the second is one of the 9 Greek goddesses who were said to have inspired poets, singers, etc. The word "amuse" has two different meanings. One means to be deceitful and the other means to entertain. The last "muse" means to contemplate as to lose track of time. Look these words up some time and see what you think. For me it sort of tells my life story.

I went to an Al-Anon meeting last night. It was the fourth one I've been in since the beginning of the year. That's a sad commentary for me. I know that I need my face to face meetings as much as I do the others. There were three of us there last night. We all talked about being burnt out and our relapse. We also spoke of change. My sponsor told me that I needed to stop fighting the good things coming my way. I think I know what she is referring to but until I get verification about that I will continue in my own dysfunctional way. The bottom line is that fear prevents me from totally enjoying the good changes as they come. I have to adapt to them before I acknowledge the benefits. It may not make sense but then I never professed to being wise.