My guess is that today will feel like I am in the trenches. After that meeting last Thursday it's going to be very interesting. Jane comes back to shadow Stephanie for two days and then she takes over Lakale's schedule. Stephanie begins a new one on Wednesday. Kim is already aware that she will be switching with Missie come Wednesday also. All I can say for them is "you make your bed, you've got to lie in it." They shot their mouths off one too many times and were found missing one too many times. This is their reward.

Still, it is strange to be in the middle of this. Last year it seemed that I was the villian. Now, I'm the sounding board. I'd rather not hear any of it to tell the truth. The sad thing is that the person stirring everything up is Jennifer. I have a sneaky suspicion that once Jane and Missie are both in the room they'll see just how much Jennifer belongs to the same club as Stephanie and Kim.

When I'm around all of these women I feel like I've stepped into Wonder Land. Nothing seems real or it feels inconsequential.

Got through a rough patch of days with family. Thursday night my ex-father-in-law called here. I didn't recognize his voice. It's been over two or three years since I've talked to him on the telephone. It's been more than four years since I've seen him. He called to tell me that one of the trailers had burned down on the property. Oddly enough I didn't ask if anything else was damaged or if anyone was hurt. All I could think of was why are you calling me. (That response kind of scares me about myself.) Then I remembered that the property was in my name.

Once he got through telling me about it and that another trailer was being brought onto the property, I really felt like there wasn't any reason to stay on the telephone. He asked what my hurry was and tried to give me his telephone number. I wouldn't take it. He filled me in on his problems. Now, in the past I would have jumped on that as a hint that he needed help and I'd have jumped in with both feet. I just wanted to get off the telephone. Then he went on to ask if I'd heard from Joey. Well, yeah, I have but I have decided not to write back. I see no point in it. I was told that Joey had made parole and would be out as early as January. All I could think was, I sure am glad I got Mom and Barry moved and that house is about to go on the market.

Other side of family- Mom came and spent the weekend with me because we had a few things to do. I could not afford to drive back and forth to get them done. We make a pretty good team most times. Then you figure Barry into the mix and it all falls apart. He's not much of a team player. He's extremely egocentric like most autistic people are. We had a few rough patches. Barry's cable and telephone have been turned off for now so he's at my apartment a lot. The payee never got the bill. That should be remedied soon.

The payee deposited Mom's money for her rent in my account on Friday. I'm afraid I'll be coughing up some money when I get paid toward her bill at Country Cottage because my account was in the red. I'm not sure how much of her money was absorbed by my late fees.

I'm broke. Pay day isn't until next Friday. I've been taking care of some of Mom and Barry's things because they needed to get done. Hopefully I'll be reimbursed some this week since I sent the receipts to the payee but I'm not holding my breath. I'm out over $500- some of my bills didn't get paid because of it.

Took Mom back last night. She didn't really want to go back. She likes the place okay but she feels like a fish out of water. The workers there seem to like her because she participates in every activity while the rest of the clients isolate themselves in their apartments. Mom probably would too if she had her on TV and telephone. Seems she does very little talking and a lot of listening while she's at Country Cottage. She saved up for me and talked my ear off.

Went to an Al-Anon meeting last night. Briefly saw Michael before going inside. Not sure if he stayed for his own meeting. His car was gone when I came out. His mother, my sponsor, was there as was Jane and two newcomers. The surprise participant was Michael's sister, Mona. I'm sorry but I can't make myself like her. She gets on my nerves. I can't quite put my finger on it but it's like she thinks she has the answer for everything. Some would say that I am looking in my mirror. Groan! I sincerely hope not. She's annoying. A lot of the time I think she's wearing a mask.

I was glad to see Michael but I've about decided that it's a lost cause. He's difficult to maintain a friendship with because he holds a lot of himself back. I recognize it because I have a tendency to do that with people I am unsure of myself. It's a shame because I sense that there is a lot of love and passion bottled up in him. I listened to him describe himself as ugly. That floored me. He is anything but ugly! Does he need a mirror? At any rate the whole thing is a lost cause because he doesn't see me in the same light as I view him. If he did he'd say so. He flirts with me and seems to take an active interest in baiting me but he really doesn't want to be in my company for very long. Too bad. We actually have a lot in common. Michael is very easy to love but hard to get close to and yet that is what I'd like most of all.