You've Got a Friend

As sung by James Taylor

When you're down and troubled
And you need a helping hand
And nothing, whoa nothing is going right.
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest nights.

You just call out my name,
And you know whereever I am
I'll come running, oh yeah, baby
To see you again.
Winter, spring, summer, or fall,
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You've got a friend.

If the sky above you
Should turn dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind should begin to blow
Keep your head together and call my name out loud
And soon I will be knocking upon your door.

You just call out my name and you know where ever I am
Ill come running to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you got to do is call
And I'll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, ain't it good to know that you've got a friend?
People can be so cold.
They'll hurt you and desert you.
Well, they'll take your soul if you let them.
Oh yeah, but don't you let them.

You just call out my name and you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you again.
Oh babe, don't you know that,
Winter spring summer or fall,
Hey now, all you've got to do is call.
Lord, I'll be there, yes I will.
You've got a friend.
You've got a friend.
Ain't it good to know you've got a friend.
Ain't it good to know you've got a friend.
You've got a friend.


Last night I learned just how loved I am. I feel so blessed to have my recovery buddies. Linda told of how much poor Mac was suffering due to my pain. He had taken it on as his. I knew that he had but I did not know just how worried he had become over me. He had reached out to Linda for some relief. She called him and told him to back off because his worrying over me was making me worse.

I knew I had been lifted up in prayer because I was feeling better but I had no idea how many people were praying for me. I am mighty favored. Linda has had an army of prayer warriors praying for me. And I know there have been others.

The Hazelden reading dealt with prayer today. It spoke of becoming too dependent on people, places and things to get us through difficult times when the one we actually needed to turn to was our Higher Power. So, today, I can also say as never before, "What a friend I have in Jesus!"

I've also discovered that I have a family of recovery buddies who have been worried about me. It wasn't just Linda and Mac. There are those who choose to remain anonymous but I know they love me just the same.

Today I go for that interview in Lewisburg, knowing that I will have a job to pay my bills. Last night it came to me that I'm on verge of a very great transformation.

Of course, something had to happen today before I could even get to my interview. I am in the position to wonder if Mac cares for me at all. William called here to inquire about Elaine K., whom I have not spoken to in a month. That prompted me to call Ann and I made amends.

I was never angry over the yard sale that AA had or the mysterious phone call that Elaine K. received. What I was really angry about was that I felt responsible for too many things.

My third family, my recovery family, looked to be falling apart on every level and I felt it was my responsibility to keep everthing together. I just couldn't be all things to all people. It didn't matter that no one asked me to do this. I felt responsible. The district looked to be falling apart because of Susan, Marian and Jane who were going through their own stuff. The Lawrenceburg group looked to be falling apart because of Marian and Jane because they were tired. My home group looked to be falling apart because no one looked to be working steps. And then the AA group who shared the club house fell apart.

I needed them all and they weren't there. No one was. I got angry and depressed. I shut down. I got to where I only trusted Mac and Linda. I guess I wore them out. What everyone fails to realize is that I was not just angry at one person. I was angry and bitter at them all. I felt abandoned by my recovery family. I poured that all out to Ann although I don't know how much she comprehended.

I called and spoke to my sponsor before I went on the interview. Marian told me to let go of the emotional garbage and concentrate on myself right now. All of that will eventually work itself out.

I guess I have the job in Lewisburg. It was a short interview but along wait in the doctor's office for the drug test. I've been home about an hour. I've had a nap and guess what miracle I've awakened to? Rain! Glorious rain! It's a full fledged thunderstorm.

What I realize today is that my deep resentment against members of Al-Anon and AA had nothing to do with anything they had actually done but that I was replaying an old childhood tape. When Jane stopped attending the Tuesday night meetings in Lawrenceburg I felt abandoned. When Marian, Jane and Susan began not showing up for district meetings I felt abandoned. When my home group looked as if they did not care about our meetings I felt abandoned. When the AA group did not have meetings of their own I felt abandoned. I was hurting from things going on within my other two families. I needed my recovery group and they weren’t there.

My overwhelming sense of responsibility kicked in. Even though no one had told me that I was responsible for keeping my home group, the Tuesday night Lawrenceburg group, the district and even the Betterway House as a whole up and running, I took it upon myself. I became Ms. Recovery. I tried thinking of several ways to get people back inside the building.

All that running around, trying to “fix” things, only got me one thing. I am tired. I became resentful of members from both groups for various reasons. I felt the AA group had humbled itself too much with the Betterway House board.

I felt that the AA group had allowed a wolf into the hen house. But I had not viewed it in this way until Mac planted the idea in my head. He indicated that several in AA viewed Brenda S. as a spy sent in by Elaine H. to undermine the groups so that they could shut down the clubhouse and recuperate from their losses. When then went days at a time without meetings this wolf came into our group. With no old timer present to help me take this woman on, she hit me when I was at my lowest point. She came in after my aunt had vowed to have my mother and brother committed. She came in after a few parents had gone to the principal with complaints of me being unfair to students.

I was already paranoid and afraid. I was afraid of losing my biological family and I was afraid that maybe, just maybe, I was too burned out to teach any more. I began to think that maybe I was just plain incompetent myself. You see I had no other outlet in my life. Other things happened like the mysterious phone call that Elaine K. received and I lost it totally. \

I was beginning to connect with my Higher Power on a more solid level. My inner voice was sending me in directions I didn’t understand. It was leading me to the Catholic church. I have been in lots of religious institutions but I had never attended a Catholic mass. When Marian invited me to attend to hear the choir sing December 31st. I felt like I had come home. There was something very familiar and comforting about the place. At first I thought it was because I had such a great affection for her- I love Marian a lot. But once I began attending mass in Pulaski, I knew that was not the case.

I don’t understand any of the things I see and hear a lot of the time. I sometimes feel like I’m offending others when I don’t go through the rituals they do. But if I don’t know the reason for them, it’s hard for me to do them. So, I attend and pray that I don’t offend anyone. It’s not that I’m trying to become something other than what I am. It’s where God is leading me. My inner voice has gotten stronger. At times I think I’m losing my mind because He seems so near to me. I feel so loved.

Today’s events show me that I was using other recovery members as my higher power, putting all my trust in them, rather than relying on God. It is why the fear of abandonment and resentment was so strong. I am reminded that, like myself, members of AA and Al-Anon are mere human beings. They aren’t meant to be elevated to pedestals. I have no right to resent or be angry at any one.

Maybe what all this has done is reopen a wound brought on by my father’s death 29 years ago that needs to be dealt with and healed. Maybe the grief is due to a death-my father’s. Maybe I reconnected with the 13 year old Yolanda that misses her father and resents him for saddling her with the responsibility of her mother and brother. Maybe it’s time all that was brought out into the open. That’s when the overwhelming sense of responsibility really kicked in.