There comes a time when you have to say, "I've done all that I can." And throw in the towel. That's where I am right now financially.

I know that I'm going to be okay. I've always landed on my feet. I just don't know where it's going to come from. I've got to have a payment for my truck by Saturday or it won't start when I need to go to the training for my new job. What will I do then?

Spiritually, I feel like I'm making progress. My new on-line Al-Anon friend seems to be on the same spiritual path as I am. I also received e-mail from a few others in that group who could identify with what I said. So, I'm not so strange after all. My path just doesn't happen to be the same as my friends'.

Speaking of friends, Mac e-mailed this morning. I don't understand him at all. He waited until Ann told him that I'd gone to counseling before he would renew a friendship. I don't think friendship should be tied to whether someone does what you suggest to them. I'm not so sure I want to renew this one. I can't be what he wants me to be. His expectations and standards for me are higher than what he has for everyone else. I don't think I can live up to them. I have a hard enough time living up to my own.

Emotionally, I'm holding my own. I feel fairly serene. I'm just a little bored. I don't have the money to waste on gas to go any where. I did venture out to the library. I checked out a book about the Dalai Lama. Holly the girl at the counter goes to college in Atlanta. She told me that the Dalai Lama will be there in the fall. I checked it out on-line a minute ago and it turns out he is going to be there in October. I wish that I could go. After I left the library I drove to the park. I just got back a little while ago.

I'm a little drained. I may take a nap. Head kind of hurts. Too much sun maybe?

Gotta Be

~ Des'ree

Listen as your day unfolds; challenge what your future holds.
Try to keep your head up to the sky.
Lovers they may cause you tears; go ahead, release your fears.
stand up and be counted; don't be ashamed to cry...
You gotta be

You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser.
You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger.
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together.
All I know, all I know love will save the day

Herald what your mother said, read the books your father read.
Try to solve the puzzle in your own sweet time
Some may have more cash than you, Others take a different view
My, oh, my, you gotta be

You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser.
You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger.
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together.
All I know, all I know love will save the day

Time asks no questions, it goes on without you,
Leaving you behind if you can't stand the pace.
The world keeps on spinning can't stop it if you try to
The best part is danger staring you in the face

Listen as your day unfolds, challenge what the future holds.
Try to keep your head up to the sky.
Lovers they may cause you tears, go ahead release your fears
My, oh, my

You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser.
You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger.
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together.
All I know, all I know love will save the day

Got to be bad, got to be bold, got to be wise.
Don't ever be cold, got to be hard, not too, too hard.
All I know, all I know, love will save the day.



I have to remember that God is love. He knows how to solve my problems. I just need to trust. It's just so hard to sit here and do nothing.

It's also hard to love people when they've hurt you so badly. Should I take the olive branch or should I leave it alone?


Do It Anyway

As sung by Martina McBride

You can spend your whole life building something from nothing
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway
You can chase a dream that seems so out of reach
and you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway

Chorus:
God is great, but sometimes life ain’t good
And when I pray it doesn’t always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway, I do it anyway

This world’s gone crazy and it’s hard to believe
that tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway
You can love someone with all your heart, for all the right reasons,
and in a moment they can choose to walk away
Love ‘em anyway

Repeat Chorus

You can pour your soul out singing a song you believe
in that tomorrow they’ll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway, sing it anyway

I sing, I dream, I love, anyway