Synchronicity or synchrodestiny? I'm not sure what I experienced today.

I went to training. All I was given to do for 3 1/2 hours was read the policy and procedure manual. But I found some good stuff in there. There's this thing that each of the clients has called a Circle of Support. I kind of liked the idea behind that. I took notes on what it actually is and, you know, I think it's a lot like a recovery group.

Jennifer didn't report to work today. She called in sick. I doubt she's sick. It was probably due to no ride. So, I sat by myself for most of that time until the supervisor joined me for the last half hour.

Before she came up I called the elementary school that I interviewed with last Monday. The principal is out of the office until Wednesday.

I called the Help Center. You will never know how humbling that was. I went in before I had to go to the Health Department for the mandatory TB test. The Help Center can only give a maximum of $75 toward any bill. I opted for help in my rent. It requires my landlord to pay the Help Center a visit tomorrow and then I will owe him $225 when I get paid.

I don't know what I will do about the next truck payment. The light will begin flashing on the 28th. If I don't give them something it won't start come Saturday morning. I may wind up doing another no-no. I may write a check and pray. But then there's my auto insurance. That is required by my bankruptcy. I can only take that leap of faith and trust that God will catch me. I'm not asking anyone else for help.

*Footnote here. The truck will be taken care of on Friday. I think I might even be able to manage my insurance. One of God's miracles came in the mail to me today. It's not much but it may take care of all my needs. It's another credit card with limited credit. I'll be in debt to those but at least I will be able to stay afloat a while longer.

I just got back from getting my mammogram. Here's where the synchronicity or synchrodestiny comes in. First of all the tech had on a butterfly top which doesn't mean anything to you but it means a lot to me. Butterflies are one of the symbols for Al-Anon and they are also a symbol of transformation. I believe I'm evolving right now. Second, they had the TV on in the waiting room. It was tuned into TNT where Law & Order was playing. I don't watch TV often so I have very little knowledge of what actor is in which show. There he was - the guy who played Collins on Rent! It brought to mind all the things that Elaine K. and I talked about last night and what Lois spoke about this morning. I can't begin to tell you how different their perspective about people is from mine.

Elaine spoke of being hit on by two lesbians in the last few weeks and how she'd like to find a healthy male to have a relationship with? I laughed and told her to be grateful. At least she got hit on. The last time I was hit on by a lesbian I was flattered. At least it meant I still had some sex appeal to someone. I said it was raining men for me but unfortunately they are all gay or bi-sexual. I didn't mean it in a derogatory way. I'm actually kind of glad that they are. I'm learning to relate to men in a healthier way because they can't become anything more. But then there is my estranged friendship with Mac.

I can't begin to tell how much his behavior has hurt me. I told Lois about it this morning and she told me to look at this way, "my brothers (these men) have let me down but my sisters have stepped up." I don't see it that way at all. I think I'm still loved by my brothers. I just can't figure out this one in particular.

I dreamt of Joey last night only it wasn't Joey's face, it was that guy I saw Friday. When I worked 3 jobs I met this rather odd fellow. He used to come through the store in Spring Hill while I was on duty. It turns out he's an employee with Impact. I'm not sure why he appeared in my dream but the whole thing was about Joey using my truck to deliver and sell drugs. It was odd to say the least. But then the stuff that happened at the Betterway House was odd last night. I've cleared the air with Elaine but I kind of felt like Alice in Wonderland. Things seemed very weird.

I've been invited to eat dinner with Lois. She's turned over a new leaf in the service work arena. I'm not sure what it means except that I get a free meal out of it. I guess I'll find out if there is an alterior motive when I get there.

I'm afraid I've offended my new friend. I haven't heard from him today. I have to look at my Four Agreements and remind myself that everything is not about me. People have their own lives. Just because they don't respond when I expect them to is hardly a reason to become paranoid. Truthfully I hope this means he's off having fun somewhere. He sounds kind of depressed.