I've decided to become proactive. My mother calls it fighting back. Yesterday I got good and angry. But as the day wore on and I spoke to various Al-Anon members I became more reflective.

It's just time to start over. That's all there is to it. I'm Finnegan Begin Again, after all. This isn't new to me. It's just getting harder as I get older. Forty-two year olds shouldn't have to begin from scratch like this. Any way, I'm taking baby steps. My first task was to change my e-mail address, because the telephone may be cut off soon and I still want to be connected to my on-line Al-Anon group. I also need to maintain my connection to family and friends. This new e-mail address will allow me to access my mail from the library, just as I can access my blog from there.

My perpetual calendar triggered something this morning. It says:

Take a few minutes and remember
your favorite summer
when you were a kid.
Then let yourself be that kid again,
if only for a moment.

I don't know what time of the year my memory comes from. It may not be the summer. What popped in my head was the year of the UFO sitings in Manchester, Georgia where I lived. All those people converged on the town to see them, too. Even Jimmy Carter, who was then Governor of Georgia witnessed the phenomenon. I don't know what it was that we saw, probably some high tech air planes that the government was experimenting with. I don't know that I believe in UFOs even after what I witnessed but I know some people who do.

I'm so, so tired. I wish I could just stay in bed. I make myself get out of the house. I went to church this morning and I'm glad that I did. It was uplifting.

I went to the district meeting. I hate those things but I think I'm glad that I did.
I had two from my home group present and that was nice.

I'm picking up our oldest group member in a little while to give her a lift to the meeting. I've missed her. Maybe her presense will bring the serenity we all need.

A hug is such a simple thing. We take it for granted along with everything else, like walking and picking up a pencil and breathing. Until we can't do it any more.
From Onion Girl by Charles DeLint, p. 53.

I got a hug from Ann. I've missed her.