I pray that today will be an enlightening day. I learned a lot of things yesterday that may help when dealing with these caseworkers that Mom and Barry have.

I also made a connection with the girl that I worked along side of. I'll be side by side with her again today. We'll see what happens. I'm taking her some Al-Anon literature.

In the mean time I know that God will take care of me. I will be okay. I will keep my chin up and keep the faith.

I worked very hard to keep my faith today. I kept my focus on what was in front of me and had a pretty good day. The kid I remembered from KDS showed up today and was I glad to see him! He didn't remember me though.

I was doing pretty good. I took my doctor's appointment sheets with me so that the supervisor could write them on her calendar. I rescheduled that blasted mammogram.

I felt pretty good. I have just enough gas to get to training and back tomorrow. After that, well, I don't know. But that's tomorrow. I can only worry about today.

Well, it was too good to last. I got home and the phone rang. One of Mom's caseworkers blasted me big time for allowing Mom to pay my electric bill. She threatened have me arrested. She said that my mother felt intimidated by me and that I coerced her into helping me. I was scolded for allowing my mother to live in a house that badly needs repairs, cleaning, etc. My apartment looks worse than Mom's house, for Pete's sake. She told me that I have to pay the agency back that amount of money. I explained my situation as best I could and she said I needed to fax her something with an explanation and then they would decide whether or not they press charges or not. She didn't even leave me a fax number. I have no money to send a fax. I don't know what I'm going to do.

When I tried to explain to this irrate woman what was going on, some of the air was taken from her sails. She recommended that I go to the Help Center. I won't get back in town in time to make it there. Even if I do, I don't think I qualify. I've already made too much money this year to qualify for their services.

Lois came and got me for the meeting. I poured out the whole story in group. Their only suggestion was that I go to the church that I have been attending and ask for help. I'm not a member. I'm not sure I qualify. I hate to ask for that kind of help. I'd feel better if Dennis went with me. I called an left a message on his voice mail. He's at work.

I called another Al-Anon from Lewisburg. She works at a check cashing place. She is willing to work with me but if it turns out that her branch is one that was put on the bankruptcy I won't be able to get any help. She's going to run a check. I don't remember if they were or not. That's been almost 4 years ago.

In the mean time I called Vicki, one of my friends from work. I needed her to ask around and find out how much time I have with my insurance after I turn in my resignation. I don't get coverage on my for 90 days. I also asked her to find out if I'd be able to cash in all of my retirement. I don't want to do that but I am running out of options here. I was crying when I called. She asked me what was wrong and I poured out the whole sorry story to her. I don't want a hand out. I can't possibly pay anyone back. She was going to call around our set of friends and see what could be arranged. I hate asking for help but I have nowhere to turn.

I have no family now. Who would I go stay with if I was evicted? I couldn't go to stay with my mother now if I wanted to because a case worker believes I'm bad news for her. My aunts and uncles have no sympathy for me. They believe that I was drinking and drugging right along side my ex. My recovery buddies by and large quit talking to me a few months ago. I can't stay with Lois. She's being helpful now but it won't last. I have nowhere to go.

This isn't a pity pot. This is the reality of my situation.

Kenny called while I was out at the meeting. He's really pretty cool. I've never met the man and he sends me love. It's basically brotherly love for one human being to another. But, oh, how nice it was to hear. I miss hugs. None of us hugged when we left the meeting tonight. I didn't realize it until just now. He says he might call back. I told him it wasn't necessary. He's at the celebration of his neice's graduation. He sounded happy. I don't want to bring anyone down. Besides, this is my problem, not his. But I'm grateful he exists.