I have two trains of thought this morning. I sure hope that we don't have an accident on this track.

First I have the Hazelden reading that I believe would clarify some things:

Sometimes I feel sad or depressed and think I'm doing something wrong. With all the work I'm doing to change my life, shouldn't I feel happy all the time? No. Sadness is just as much a part of life as happiness. Just as all the seasons are part of nature, all my feelings are part of me.

Would I awaken on a rainy day and refuse to let it rain? Would I claim that I'm going to do everything I can to stop the rain? No. When it rains, it rains. I accept the fact that there are times when I feel sad. I will let it be a part of being human.
Time to Break Free by Judith R. Smith

Then I have my perpetual calendar which says:

Life's biggest accomplishments don't happen in nice, straight, orderly lines.
They wind around, meander from side to side,
and occassionally backtrack before they get
anywhere important.

Perhaps I had to back track to my original state of entering Al-Anon to make an important discovery about myself.

I Wish It Would Rain Down

As sung by Phil Collins

You know I never meant to see you again
And I only passed by as a friend
All this time I stayed out of sight
I started wondering why

Now I, I wish it would rain down, down on me
Yes I wish it would rain, rain down on me now

You said you didn't need me in your life
I guess you were right
Well, I never meant to cause you no pain
But it looks like I did it again

Now I, I wish ....

Though your hurt is gone, mine's hanging on, inside
And I know it's eating me through every night and day
I'm just waiting on your sign

'cos I know, I know I never meant to cause you no pain
And I realize I let you down
But I know in my heart of heart of hearts
I know I'm never gonna hold you again

Now I...


Wow! I'm really enjoying the on-line Al-Anon group that I'm in. I feel validated. I'm not the only one that has the inner voice. It's scary but it's so cool! Maybe that idea of being a mystic isn't so far fetched. I feel like I've come home. Sometimes I think I was born to the wrong century any way.