Holding On

As sung by Carman

They said I'd never make it
They said I would not last a day
They said when things got heated up
I would get blown away

But I'm still here Lord
Still strong, and I'm still

Holdin' on (every day), holdin' on (everyway)
Holdin' on (every minute), Holdin' on (I'm still in it)
I got strength to stand
I'm holdin' on to God's unchangin' hand

They said I was too fragile
That livin' right was just a dream
They said I didn't have the stuff
To try and swim up stream

But I'm still here Lord
Still strong, and I'm still

Holdin' on (through the fire), holdin' on (I'm goin' higher)
Holdin' on (through the flood), Holdin' on (through the blood)
I got strength to stand
I'm holdin' on to God's unchangin' hand

Through the darkness, and through the night
I walk by faith and not by sight

Because I'm hangin' on to God's Word
Holdin' on for what I've heard
Thinkin' through the mind of Christ
Walkin' in the way that's right

His promises are true, His love is everlasting
His power is available only for the asking
When you sow the Word, faith is what you reap
You can be rough, tough, hard to bluff, if you keep

Holdin' on (every day), holdin' on (everyway)
Holdin' on (every minute), Holdin' on (I'm still in it)
I got strength to stand
I'm holdin' on to God's unchangin' hand
I got strength to stand
I'm holdin' on to God's unchangin' hand



Yesterday the song that went through my head was "Rock Bottom" by Wynonna Judd. While it's not a bad song and it does give a lot of resolve to someone who is in dire straits as I am, I think this song has a more positive outlook. It is the song I awoke to this morning.

God has a sense of humor. The credit card came. But instead of being the $1500 credit line I was expecting it has $300. I find it funny because that is the amount I need to survive today, to cover the checks that were written and maybe do one or two things. It does not solve all my financial needs for the future but it solves the most immediate ones of today if I can access the money. No pin number was sent with it. It dawned on me when I received it and got over the initial shock that it was a very subtle reminder that I can only live in the present. The future isn't promised me. All I have is today.

I was able to use the card to put gas in my truck. I also went on and bought a week's worth of food for the cats and cat litter. I was able to make a cash withdrawal of $150 to help toward the two checks I wrote. Hopefully, nothing will bounce. I need groceries but I'm afraid to spend any more on this credit card. I'll max out soon.

Ever since I received it I've gotten pop ups about loans. I'm a little leary about putting my social security number and bank information out there on the web unless it is a secured site. What I really need is for to God to point me in the right direction for such a thing, like maybe "this is it!" in big letters.

I don't know. It's like I told my on-line Al-Anon group this morning. I need to only worry about today's problems. Today I covered checks that would have bounced. I bought cat food and cat litter that was desperately needed. I put gas in my truck so that I could make it to the 1:00 training in Columbia. All these other problems are future problems. I can't take care of them right now. I can feel anxiety welling up in me just from thinking about them. I have to leave these things in God's hands.

My sponsor e-mailed me one powerful sentence- "God is going to shift things around for you today and let things work in your favor." That speaks volumes to me.

For the fourth day in a row around 3 o'clock in the morning I've been awakened to the feeling that someone, somewhere out there, is praying for me. It's a very blessed feeling to feel that loved. Who ever you are, I love you.

Oh, I forgot to mention that I actually spoke to Kenny on the phone last night. He is going to be an interesting person to know. I think I've got my ACIM study buddy and maybe my way of working on those issues that I could not work on with Al-Anon members. He's so open and able to talk about everything. Wow! To be that uninhibited. And for some reason he has it in his head that I'm as free and open as he is. Me? Oh, and it was me that called first. I just wanted to show him that I would. He'd e-mailed me his number twice. It sounded like something I needed to do. He called me right back and used up quite a few of his minutes.